Behind her Mark
by buttonbit
Summary: When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn’t kill? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.
1. Capture

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or use any other unforgivable curse? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 1: Captured**

"Be quiet!" Bellatrix hissed.

"I am!" A young red-headed witch snarled. Her eyes were a dull green, boring and sad. She wore a dark cloak with a large hood and was considered one of the highest ranking Death Eaters and was dead to the rest of the wizarding world.

"Shut up, both of you!" A smooth voice interrupted.

"Stay out of this, Albino!" She spoke from under her hood in a low whisper.

"Excuse me?" Lucius began heatedly and his fiancé, Narcissa started to give furious gestures and exchanged mutinous glances with her sister.

They were currently in a dark forest, perfectly ideal to hide the meeting they were going to hold. Lord Voldemort himself was not turning up but he was issuing his instructions through a yet unknown messenger.

Narcissa shuddered and wrapped her cloak around her tightly and Lucius, noticing this put an arm around her.

Bellatrix looked anxiously around for any other Death Eater and the remaining of their group, sniffed and turned away from Lucius and Narcissa who were giving each other adoring looks and sighed.

There were 5 pops as Rodolphus, Snape, Avery, Regulus and Rabastan apparated into the clearing in the gloomy setting.

"Every-one else is late," Bellatrix threw a dismissive glance at her pocket watch and they exchanged stories in a low chatter, waiting for the one to arrive who would deliver the instructions.

Only she, the odd witch stood staring at the sky, possibly wondering if that was how he or she would arrive.

A twig snapped and the talking Death Eaters became silent and tense, forming a quick circle. But nobody appeared. There was still the same stuffy silence only broken by shuffling of feet.

Eyes darted back and forth, it was obvious it wasn't the messenger- then who was it?

Sub-consciously, most of the gathered moved into battle stances, preparing themselves for what was coming.

The lonely witch found herself next to Bellatrix and despite their unfortunate situation, she rolled her eyes.

"We should go… its dangerous!" Bellatrix whispered.

"What a wimp! What should the Dark Lord think?" Lily said in a deadly murmur.

In the blink of an eye-

oOoOoOo

The members of The Order of the Phoenix were gathered in Dumbledore's office and were incredibly cramped.

Dumbledore looked unusually solemn and he said hurriedly," We have a tip-off from my spy, there is to be a meeting held in Larkwood at this precise moment."

"Will Lord Voldemort be there?" Alice asked boldly, hiding her fear.

"No. My spy, the messenger is delivering his instructions to them." Dumbledore replied promptly.

"How many are we estimating?" Moody questioned logically.

"We don't know but we will need everybody. Co-operation is the key!" Dumbledore added.

"Are you sure this isn't a trap?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"He has never betrayed us before," Dumbledore said sternly.

"But there is always a first time!" Emmeline said, a worried from creasing her forehead.

"I trust him!" Dumbledore said calmly.

"Well, that's enough for me!" Remus said and stood next to Dumbledore. In the next minute everybody was agreed.

"Remember, Larkwood. Remember that? Larkwood. Apparate to the boundaries and sneak in, at my signal, attack and capture as many as possible!" Dumbledore said quickly, taking long strides to the edge of the Hogwarts grounds.

With many pops the Order apparated to the perimeter of the forest. It was a dark, murky wood at the base of a lonely valley. It made James feel uneasy and there was a prickly feeling all over him. He glanced around, others were feeling it too.

The meeting was held in the centre of the forest and the stealthily crept in, slowly until they could make out a faint chatter. They circled closer, struggling through the tangled undergrowth, not making a sound.

James accidentally stepped on a twig and in broke cleanly with a brittle snap.

There was silence and both parties were barely breathing. The Death Eaters seemed to relax and formed their circle, waiting for the messenger to arrive. Minutes passed and the Death Eaters stayed in eerie silence, drawing their wands and preparing for an attack.

There was a bang like a gun-shot and the Order members showed themselves.

oOoOoOo

There was a bang and the Death Eaters jumped, startled as they were attacked.

Curses were thrown everywhere.

"Avada Kedavra!"

"Stupefy!"

Rabastan and a couple of his comrades disapparated after being held atwandpoint, cowering against a tree.

"Cowards!" Lily growled to where they had stood a moment before.

Lily sprang into action and began to duel. She had two opponents and realised how outnumbered they were.

She was duelling with Remus and Marlene and saw how drained Remus looked; sparing a quick glance at the moon she saw that it had been only a day since his transformation.

"Everte Statum!" She cried, sending Remus backwards. She didn't want to hurt him.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Marlene yelled.

"That won't get you anywhere!" Moody shouted, running after Nott.

"Finite Incantatem!" She returned.

"Incendio!" She set a branch on fire and sent in hurtling into Marlene who gave a yell and brandished her wand," Stupefy!"

Lily dodged, just in time and knew it was time to be harsh. But she couldn't do that to Marlene!

"Stupefy!" She thought and a second later Marlene was unconscious on the floor, hit by Lily's non-verbal spell.

She ran on and saw Remus and Sirius duelling with Lucius and decided to join.

She screwed her eyes tightly and said," Sectumsempra!"

The spell narrowly missed Sirius and hit Frank in the back.

Sirius was in shock and started yelling.

"What a wimp! Hitting someone from behind!!" Sirius bellowed while Alice supported her boyfriends head, attempting to fix his injuries, not paying attention to the body-binding jinx sent her way.

James deflected it for her and tried to help heal Frank, trying to ignore the sight of blood pouring out of Frank's shirt.

"Good one!" Lucius grinned at Frank looking so weak.

"Shut up!" Lily screamed, stunning him.

Feeling terrible, Lily secretly sent the reversing spell Frank's way and James and Alice looked around in awe, not knowing who the caster was.

Snape looked mildly interested to see his spell being used and continued to duel expertly.

But soon Avery was hit by several curses and Death Eaters began to panic.

"Crucio!" She cried bitterly to Sturgis who wasn't ready for her attack.

It was his bellow that brought everybody back to reality and many people rushed to his aid.

Lily released him and immediately felt guilty. But Death Eaters weren't supposed to feel horrible afterwards. They were meant to be ruthless killers. Something Lily could never be.

She saw Marlene, caught by a Death Eater, she didn't know the name of and with a swift, unnoticed flick of her wand, Marlene was free.

"Oppugno!" Lily screeched, repelling her attackers with angry animals that burst from her wand.

They backed away and she conjured a snake as a warning symbol.

"Serpentsortia!" She hissed.

"Stupefy!" James roared and she shielded herself with a shockingly quick reflex," Protego!"

Lily reluctantly hexed James and soon she and Alice were locked in a ferocious duel and nobody dared to interfere. Lily noticed Lucius, Bellatrix, Nott and Regulus free Avery from his ropes and they nodded. With pops they apparated away. She had never felt so helpless and alone. With a terrifying cry of rage she vented all of her anger on the Order and continued to duel but not with her half-hearted spells but so that Alice received the full blast.

Unnecessary anger flowed through her veins and out of her wand and Lily couldn't stop the stream of curses that she fired at her. Frank stepped in to help Alice but it was Alice that stopped him.

"Mine!!" She screamed.

Lily narrowed her eyes until they were merely slits and checked her hood was safely up and over her face and stood poised, ready to duel.

Alice mimicked her actions and the Order stepped back. They had never witnessed Alice, so sweet and calm to be so vicious. There seemed to be something in the unknown Death Eater that fired her up.

"Crucio!" Lily shouted, "Confringo!"

Both curses were deflected. Lily had never seen Alice duel so well.

"Stupefy!" Alice sent a red beam of light that nearly reached Lily who stepped aside neatly.

oOoOo

"Deprimo!" Alice shouted in a burst of anger. She could almost see this woman's leering face.

"Too afraid to show your ugly face?" Alice taunted.

Lily ignored and sent a stone flying into her stomach, winding her.

"Is that the best you can do?" Alice jibed, straightening up.

"Better than you could do!" Lily retorted.

Alice sent an entrail expelling curse at Lily who deflected it with raised eyebrows. She had the upper hand now that Alice was so angry.

"Don't let her get to you!" Frank called to Alice and soon the Order was shouting encouragement to Alice who with stronger, bolder posture carried on rattling off spells to Lily who returned many of her own.

"Expulso!" Lily yelled.

Alice dodged and the rock behind her exploded with the force of a bomb.

Lily saw the determination and grit in Alice's eyes but also saw fear and if only she could bring this fear out of at least reinforce it she could easily beat her.

"Incendio!" Alice sent a stream of flame towards Lily.

"Aguamenti!"

"Crucio!" Lily whispered again. Alice didn't react fast enough let out a terrifying scram that ripped through the air. Lily saw everything in slow motion. With Alice writhing on the ground and felt a terrible urge to keep going. She felt a sense of power but Alice, her school friend Alice in pain. Surely, she didn't enjoy it?

In truth Lily only wanted top torment Alice for a split-second and her spell weakened, not out of choice and faded completely.

Alice lay panting on the floor, gasping and swallowing, stubbornly waving away help.

"Who's next?" Lily glared and Dumbledore volunteered, the entire twinkle gone from his accusing eyes. McGonagall also raised her hand and many other Order members.

Lily knew she couldn't win but she for her own pride's sake needed to keep at it.

Alice staggered weakly to her feet and faced Lily bravely.

"I'll take her!" She steadied herself and pointed her wand at Lily.

"No, Alice!" Frank said gently.

"Yes Frank, yes!" Alice insisted.

She had a gleam in her eye. She wanted a challenge, she wanted to win, and she wanted the Death Eater before her.

"Ready?" Lily asked, her voice dangerously soft.

"As ever!" Alice answered.

"You asked for it!" Lily sneered.

"I did!" Alice fought to keep her voice level.

"You can do it!"

"Come on, Alice!"

"Go beat her!!"

Encouragement continued to chant and Lily wanted to hurt them. Standing there, taking friends for granted…

oOoOo

She raised her wand, aimed directly between her eyes and spat," Avada Kedavra!"

Bright green and deadly, Lily's curse was speeding towards Alice.

Dumbledore himself shielded Alice from the killing curse and turned to frown at the Death Eater. Alice stood there, in shock, comforted by the Order. Frank rushed to check her, worrying horribly and Marlene ran to give Alice a hug, realising what had nearly happened.

The whole Order, busy helping Alice, holding her hand and making her brave didn't see Lily collapse onto the floor. Apart from Dumbledore, watching curiously.

Lily had never cast to kill and felt remorseful and guilt almost devoured her altogether. Her old school friend…

The Order realised that she was on the floor, having a violent seizure.

"She's having some sort of a fit!" James peered.

Then her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she was discovered unconscious.

Marlene stepped cautiously to her and lifted the hood from her face, stepping back in disbelief, choking on tears.

"Marlene," Alice rushed to her," What is it?"

Marlene saw the sight of Lily, her old friend from Hogwarts and staggered away and there was a retching noise as Marlene bent over and puked.

Marlene fell in her hurry to get away and half-crawled, half-walked out of the clearing before Alice got her back, restraining her from apparating away.

"Marlene! What is it? Tell me!" Alice begged.

Marlene shook her head, swallowing.

"Tell me!" Alice pleaded.

Marlene raised a finger to point at the huddled figure on the ground and Alice got close to the group and heard gasps and shrieks.

"Lily Evans!"

Alice felt a sick feeling rising in her. She scrunched her eyes together, not believing and took a brave peek over Hestia's shoulder and saw Lily, lying on in the dirt, a pained expression frozen on her face.

Her eyes found James who wore a deadened, horrified look before falling into unconsciousness herself.

**-Author's Note-**

**Please review!!!  
I'd like to know whether you prefer this re-write or the old version.**

**Pretty please?**

**I'll cry!!!**

**buttonbit**



**Review or I'll set Lord Voldemort ****and his little gang on you!!!**

**(and believe me- I have the power to do so…)**


	2. Trial

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or use any other unforgivable curse? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 2: ****Trial**

Lily awoke and kept her eyes screwed tightly shut as memories of yesterday's events flooded into her mind.

She twitched her eyes open, enough to see her surroundings roughly.

"She's stirring!" A low, gruff voice said to his companion.

Light footsteps echoed around the room and a minute later the room was crowded with various Order members.

She briefly closed her eyes and then looked up properly to look around and found herself staring into betrayed, hurt, angry faces that she had never expected to meet again.

"She's awake," Moody informed Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded, observing her closely. Nobody moved. Nobody talked. Nobody even looked at anyone else.

Lily shifted, sitting up and her eyes adjusted to the bright light of the early sun pouring into the room. The sunlight streamed in and shone on her tired face.

'On a day like this I used to sit outside and talk with friends and laugh and play and…' She thought.

She tested her ropes and nodded grimly to herself, yanking her arms about in hope to loosen them.

Ignoring the ache in her arms and the people in the room she stared dully out of the window.

'The sun is laughing at me' she thought, focusing on a point in the room where it was impossible for anybody to catch her eye.

"Miss. Evans, we were quite surprised to see you last night," Dumbledore began pleasantly, though there was no light in his eyes. The tension lessened slightly and people felt comfortable, meeting her gaze.

"Miss. Evans?" Dumbledore asked politely.

"Well, you would be!" She said sullenly.

"Ah!" Dumbledore gave a weak chuckle.

"We're waiting to take you to Azkaban," Moody growled, eyeing the clock, willing it to go faster.

Lily kept her mouth obstinately shut and clenched her teeth.

"Well!" McGonagall said curtly.

"Well what?" Lily asked, her voice void of any emotion.

"Well what do you say?" She blustered, clearly put out.

"Nothing," Lily continued to glare at the sun.

"You are going to Azkaban!" Frank said loudly and slowly.

"I know," Lily said blankly.

"Is that all you have to say?" Sturgis asked in disbelief.

"Innocent until proven guilty," Lily looked calmly about the room, lowering her gaze to look Dumbledore directly in the eye.

"You want a trial?" Dumbledore said, considering.

"Well do you?" Benjy cried in exasperation.

"I never said that," Lily said much to the annoyance of the Order who muttered angrily.

"You'll go anyway!" Caradoc reasoned.

"So?" Lily asked vaguely but with a hint of resentment.

"Justice," Dumbledore mused.

"You're a Death Eater," Sirius stated, a look of defiance on his face.

Lily gave no answer and turned away from the group.

"You're a Death Eater!" Sirius persisted stoutly.

"You deserve any punishment you get!" Frank said furiously, pulling Alice closer.

They filed past her and Lily saw Marlene and Frank support Alice and for a second Marlene caught Lily's eyes and scowled. They were all disgusted with her.

Lily knew what Marlene thought of her, she could see it in her eyes; Traitor.

That's what they all thought. Every last one of them.

When Remus left the room, he risked a quick glance at Lily, who was completely glazed, her eyes boring into nothing.

He turned to go and heard Lily speak softly, rolling the word around her tongue.

"Azkaban…"

oOoOoOo

The door creaked open and two dementors glided in with Lily who was unusually pale. Two more followed them in.

Lily was chained to the seat and Crouch rapped hard on his desk to gain everybody's attention.

"You are here, before the Wizengamot today to pass judgement on Lily Marie Evans, born on the 30th October, 1960," He growled.

"Where do you live?" He asked.

"Spinner's End," She answered shortly.

"Alone?" He asked.

"Alone!" She lied. She currently lived with Severus Snape who was her roommate until she found a place of her own.

'I won't need to look now!' she thought sarcastically.

"How long have you been in You-Know-Who's circle?" Crouch asked grumpily.

"I joined at the beginning of 1979," She replied, with an effort to keep her voice casual but there was a definitive edge.

Sirius put his hand up and asked bluntly," Can we see your mark?"

Lily glared and refused to give him an answer.

Lily saw him give a self-satisfied smirk, as if proud to weasel some emotion out of her.

Lily answered every question stiffly and found the trial already over.

"All those in favour of sentencing Lily Evans to a life sentence in Azkaban?"

Lily looked anxiously around the room for _someone _who would support her and saw in dismay that there was nobody who looked willing to vote for her.

'I should have known it!' She thought desperately.

oOoOoOo

Marlene raised her shaking hand for Lily's sentence and Lily looked at her with a solemn face but pleading eyes and Marlene frowned and turned away, feeling slightly guilty as she did.

Why? She wondered. Lily deserved this!

Lily's face was so stricken and helplessly desperate and Marlene forced herself to think sensibly.

A panicky look spread over Lily's face but it was her pride that saved her from crying out loud. Marlene could tell. Or could she?

Marlene used to read her like a book but she wasn't sure now. Marlene would have never foreseen such evil in such a sweet, caring, perhaps rather easily annoyed person like Lily.

Marlene frowned. How could a person so quickly change from a nice, funny Gryffindor to a Death Eater who tried to kill her best friend?

Marlene looked at Alice who was swallowing back tears of anger and betrayal who was hugging Frank tightly. Marlene turned and saw Lily leave the room…

There was a loud noise as the door shut heavily behind them and everybody was jolted back into life.

Marlene's eyes were still glazed over and it was Frank and Alice who left last roused her kindly.

"Come on Marlene!" Alice said, shaking her gently.

"What if she was imperiused?" Marlene wondered aloud.

Frank and Alice snorted.

"Think like an Auror, Marlene. You know they do tests!!" Alice said, patronising.

Marlene was hurt. Sure, it hadn't been the best question and she knew it but Alice should know what it felt like.

Suddenly, Marlene remembered what Lily feared the most;

Dementors.

oOoOoOo

Lily felt an icy hand grip around her heart and crush it into a million pieces. The dementors were already having a horrifying effect on her. How was she supposed to survive a life sentence?

She found that with each breath she took, her insides grew colder and her vision became slightly fogged.

She was led to a small dock, accompanied by Aurors and dementors.

Dementors. She hated them. She hated the thought of them. And now she was spending her life with them.

It would have been stupid to say that Lily feared fear as Remus had told her. She wasn't that noble. Lily feared the memories. They had haunted her in her childhood and recently the dreams came back but now she could see it when she was awake, too.

The boat rocked and with each sway Lily felt her stomach lurch. She saw the accusing faces in the court room. She had tried not to look any of her old friends in the eye. Alice, Marlene, Frank, Remus, Sirius, James, Peter, Moody… all of the Order. Then in that last, desperate moment…

_Lily turned to face Marlene with helplessly begging eyes. She tried to convey so much in that look. But Marlene turned away. Turned away and raised her hand. Lily closed her eyes. Azkaban. _

So here she was. She could see the secluded island in the distance and gulped, visibly paling.

She even smelt the terror in the air, mingled with unwashed bodies and there was a rotting corpse of a dog at the end.

Lily was sickened and threw up into the sea. Wiping her mouth on her sleeve, she stepped onto land.

There were murmurs in the cells as she walked by and she heard the most terrifyingly fearful scream she had ever heard and jumped in surprise. But still the people didn't wake and slept restlessly, jerking and crying into the stuffy air.

The cells were bare and there was a single blanket for Lily and she shivered as another blast of wind from the sea gusted into the cell she was led into.

oOoOoOo

Marlene drummed her fingers on the table and crossed her legs. She sighed and uncrossed them again, rose from her seat and began to pace.

What was wrong with her? Marlene shook her head violently to rid herself of the confusing thoughts.

Alice walked into the kitchen of the HQ and helped herself to a drink.

"Hi Marlene!" Alice greeted.

"Hey," Marlene said absently.

"What are you doing?" Alice asked.

"Just… sitting, I suppose!" Marlene replied.

Alice took a sip from her mug and said hesitantly," I keep thinking about Lily."

"Me, too," Marlene admitted.

"I can't believe she would do that! Lily isn't- wasn't the sort of person to do that! She just wasn't!" Alice said, talking quickly.

"I guess we were wrong!" Marlene sighed.

"I just can't believe… I mean, Lily!" Alice cried and burst into tears. Marlene gave her hand a squeeze and gave her a comforting hug.

"It's alright!" Marlene said sympathetically but she couldn't trick herself. Everything was far from alright.

She felt hot tears slide down her unusually pale face and she stifled a sob.

"Not fair!" She croaked.

oOoOoOo

Lily rolled over and tried to sleep but the screams of the other convicts rang though the night. Terrible cries rose in the air and were drowned in the shouts of the other demented people in Azkaban.

Dementors glided past the cells and drew in sinister breaths and their fingers itched for the souls in the manky prison. The smell of rotting fish and urine stank up the air around her and breathing was difficult. The fierce winds from the sea had no mercy and the thin, ragged blanket served no use.

This was only her first week.

She moaned and shut her eyes in a futile attempt to block out all the horrors she was seeing but instead she saw them in her head. Ten times worse.

A shriek rose in her throat and she screamed loudly and all her anger and her desperation went into it. She collapsed in a dejected heap on the cold, hard floor with no hope. Her throat was dry and her lips parched so she scrambled around in the dark for water and found a dog bowl with water in. She drank it hastily and with a thirst she had never felt before, not bothered about the fact that the water looked days old and dirt and all kinds of horrible things had ended up in there.

She didn't sleep that night or the night after. Eventually exhaustion took over and she fell into a weary slumber and dreamt of death.

She woke and looked up at the stars above her. It was a clear night and the stars shone brightly against the dark sky. Lily tried to find the beauty in the Milky Way but it was lost. She couldn't see it.

Even the soothing sound of the waves and the sparkle of the sea were gone and Lily found no hope in her heart.

Each morning dementors would come and bring food and drink to her and their foul hands would stretch out in longing. Lily had lost count of the days and nights she spent in Azkaban and she sometimes couldn't tell the difference between dreams and reality.

oOoOoOo

A month later, nothing had changed. Each day dragged on and on and the dreary days felt like lifetimes. Lily hadn't eaten in days and crawled over to her bowl and devoured the half cooked fish that was lying there. Her weak arms shook badly as she tried to drink the water she had and most of it spilt all over her but she didn't seem to care.

Her hair was matted and filthy with dirt and her body was covered in bruises from lying on the hard floor. She was thinner than she was and her dull eyes had heavy bags under them.

Life could get no worse. Hygiene was non-existent and the food was terrible. Lily curled up in order to avoid the worst of the cold and hugged the blanket to her chest.

She gazed at the birds swooping overhead and shook her head bitterly. Even they had more freedom than her.

She saw a boat approach the island but her curiosity had disappeared. It rocked gently towards the dismal prison and Lily shook her head and turned to go to sleep.

oOoOoOo

James stepped out of the boat and sighed.

"Get it over and done with…" He closed his eyes briefly and strode along to a certain cell.

**-Author's Note-**

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Was it good?**

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**Please tell me!!!**

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	3. Talk

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or use any other unforgivable curse? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 3: Talk**

James slipped past the dementors and shuddered slightly but continued to the cell he needed. He arrived and clenched his fists in determination.

Lily was facing the opposite wall and breathing unevenly and shifting in her sleep.

He paused, uncertain what to do.

"_Mate__, get it out of your system!" _Sirius had said.

"Lily!" James said in a questioning tone.

She didn't move.

"Lily!" He called strongly.

She twitched and she hugged her arms around herself. James walked briskly to her and pulled the blanket off her, knowing that she was awake.

She turned and sat up, rubbing her eyes and groaning as another heavy headache hit her.

"Lily!" He snapped. She looked up at him with dazed eyes and he glared back.

"Lily, what? Why the hell did you run off to join Voldemort?" James spat in disgust.

"I want to know why left your friends to join that bloody murderer!" James shouted.

She remained silent and stayed still but her eyes jerked violently.

"Do you know what it was like? Finding out that our friend became an effing Death Eater!!" James bellowed in rage.

"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!" James yelled, his eyes blazing. He stared with accusing eyes and Lily turned away. Hatred and betrayal showed clearly in his face and blame was evident in his hurt expression.

"You've changed…" He said slowly," Or maybe we just didn't see what kind of a traitor you were!"

"I loved you! But I won't waste time on scum like you!" He shouted venomously.

"I WISH YOU _WERE_ DEAD!" James cried angrily.

"Dead?" Lily croaked.

James gave her a look full of bitterness and walked away from her she watched with horrified eyes.

"No…" She whispered.

"I want- go away… no! I won't, please don't…. please!" Lily sobbed, gabbling as her dreams took her again.

"No, please!!" She screamed.

She gave an anguished cry and began to shake badly, gulping for air.

"Go away!!" Lily shouted.

"Go away!"

oOoOoOo

"I hope James is alright!" Marlene said anxiously.

"What? Do you expect him to be attacked by the prisoners?" Sirius scoffed.

"No!" She said in frustration.

"He's not going to do anything stupid is he?" Marlene asked worriedly.

"Why would he?" Sirius shrugged.

"Like what?" Remus wanted to know.

"Oh I don't know!" Marlene said, sighing.

"Do you think he's going to jump into the sea or something?" Frank grinned.

"I wish you would!" Marlene said darkly.

"Why?" Frank asked, his eyes shining with laughter.

"Because none of you take _anything_ seriously!" Marlene snapped.

"He'll be fine!" Alice soothed.

"It's not just him!" Marlene muttered.

"What? You aren't worried about _her_, are you?" Alice asked, scandalised.

"No, of course not!" Marlene said quickly.

"I don' know why I'm making a fuss…" She said eventually.

"Maybe you need some time off. You look stressed!" Remus suggested.

"I'm an Auror!" She smiled wryly," We don't get time off!"

"Still!" He persisted.

"Nah, I'll be fine!" She assured at him.

"Remember, Lily _is_ a Death Eater!" Alice reminded her.

"I know!" Marlene said truthfully. "But I still can't believe that Lily could do such things!"

"We don't want to either!" Alice smiled sympathetically.

"Night!" Marlene said abruptly, deciding to head home early.

"Already?" Sirius asked in surprise.

"I need to think!" Marlene nodded.

"Night," They called.

Marlene shut the door and leaned against the door frame. They were right, she knew it but she couldn't grasp that her best friend-

"Ex-best friend!" Marlene shook herself and went home.

oOoOoOo

Lily stared dumbly at the wall and the grubby stains of dirt and blood that had gathered.

She gazed and gazed into nothing and tried to think but she summoned no good to her memory and she was left with bitter things that she didn't wish to remember.

She rocked gently from side to side and cocked her head sideways, deep in thought.

Then… a scream. She closed her eyes and tried to block out the noise.

There was another scream and wished that she was anywhere else, even the bottom of the sea that surrounded them seemed inviting to her.

Then she realised that it was her that was screaming! She clamped her mouth firmly shut and tried desperately to keep quiet and to remember why she was screaming.

She hugged her knees around her chest and sank into a gloomy corner of her cell where she kept completely motionless until the filthy man next to her emitted a yelp of fright and she scooted to the bars to watch the sea.

It moved fluidly and each wave crashed against the pitiful land with a soft, soothing sound. Lily felt oddly comforted by the gentle stirring of the sea and she longed to touch it but no matter how much she wished, she couldn't. That was that. As another convict shrieked she was jolted back and she closed her eyes in resignation. Her head drooped and she fell sideways into sleep again.

oOoOoOo

James strode away from the boat feeling his anger die away and sadness overcame him.

"_Love you, Lils!" James exclaimed, giving his girlfriend a peck on the lips._

"_What are you so excited?" She asked, ruffling his hair lovingly._

"_It's Quidditch!" He said. His face fell and he drooped, dismayed that she had forgotten._

"_I'm kidding!" Lily said, with a teasing look on her face._

"_Just testing!" James tweaked her nose and she slapped him playfully on his arm._

"_Oww!" James rubbed his arm, a mock sad look crossing his childish face._

"_You poor thing! I'll kiss it better!" Lily promised._

"_Really?" James perked up._

_She kissed his arm and they continued walking. _

"_Missed!" James said goofily._

_She tried to kiss it again and this time missed him completely and fell to the floor laughing._

"_Help me up!" She commanded._

_She was hoisted up and fell forward onto him, giggling._

"_Love you, James!" She grinned._

"_You too, Lils!"_

How badly people could go wrong…

He became aware of the fact that he had been standing motionlessly for 5 minutes at least.

"_Get it out of your system…"_ And that was it. He had got it out of his system! Feeling free and considerably more relaxed, he strolled on.

He quickened his pace to see the rest of them at the HQ of the Order of the Phoenix.

"Hey guys. Where's Marlene?" James asked.

"Went home…" Sirius replied.

"How did it go?" Remus asked.

"Fine," James said in a strained voice.

"Just fine!"

"That guy is so messed up!" Sirius muttered so that only Remus could hear him.

Remus gave him a reproachful look," He's your friend. Be nice!"

Sirius rolled his eyes in reply.

oOoOoOo

Alice hummed and waited for Frank to arrive.

There was a pop and Alice screamed as he apparated next to her.

"Don't do that!" Alice slapped him over the head.

"Sorry!" Frank apologised.

"Every time!" Alice growled.

"I won't do it again!" He promised.

"You said that last time!" Alice folded her arms crossly.

"I mean it this time!" He nodded.

"You said that as well!" Alice glared.

"It was just a joke!" He shrugged.

"It wasn't funny!" Alice snarled.

"I'm sorry!" He cried.

Alice ignored him.

"Forgive me?" He asked pitifully.

Alice turned away and tapped her foot waiting for the others to come.

"Alice!" Frank whined.

Sirius joined them and half a second later Marlene had come as well.

"Where are James and Remus?" Frank asked them.

"Remus is ill. James is looking after him," Sirius answered casually.

"Alice, please forgive me!" Frank groaned as they walked down Diagon Alley.

"Alice, I'll never do it again!" Frank said, slinging an arm over her shoulder.

She shoved it away irritably.

Sirius looked at his watch.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1…" He whispered to Marlene.

"Alice!" Frank said dramatically.

"Alice," He whinged.

"5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." Marlene said in a hushed voice.

"Shut up!" Alice cried.

"Forgive me?" He smiled.

"Yes… just… just be quiet!" She snapped.

Satisfied, Frank skipped along, smiling manically.

Alice suppressed a small smile but it slipped onto her face as she watched her boyfriend fool around.

oOoOoOo

Lily remembered. She remembered all the faces. She remembered all the things that had happened. She remembered why she hated dementors and she felt sorrowful.

Sadness welled up inside her and her tears began to fall. Shamelessly, she wiped them away and they fell again.

She wondered what was happening in the world that she had no part in. She could see the clouds move over her head and she could feel the wind whip through her hair but she was completely isolated from the world and knew nothing of what was going on around her.

The man next to her tried to strangle himself and nobody so much as turned to look at the attempted suicide.

Regretfully Lily looked back on her life and tried to think of something _happy_.

Like when she became Head Girl. Or when she met Marlene and Alice. Or when she loved James. But they all hated her now. And it was all her fault.

She thought back and instead of a blissful memory from her happy, innocent years at Hogwarts she found that they had blurred. Panicking, she also established that she couldn't remember the voices that she had grown up with.

She ran to the bars of her cell and grasped the ice-cold bars. Rattling them furiously, she cried and cried in vain. Nobody cared.

"Let me out!" She screamed.

She stumbled back and hit her head off the floor and rolled over with a dull ache at the back of her head and every time she moved, a searing pain.

She gingerly touched the back of her head and winced.

Then she fainted. It wasn't the first time. Or the last.

oOoOoOo

Marlene and Alice giggled over their chosen Halloween costumes. The gang had decided to celebrate Halloween while they were off duty and off work.

Marlene had bought a witches outfit and was laughing at the idea of all witches having such ridiculous clothing.

Alice had become a vampire and Marlene was fixing her make up but couldn't control her laughter. She had met a vampire recently while on work for the Order and it certainly looked different to what Alice was wearing now.

"You look hilarious!" Marlene choked.

"You're not bad either!" Alice replied and bared her plastic teeth, sending Marlene into fits of laughter again.

"Come on, we'll be late!" Alice tugged at her arm.

"Well, let's go then!" Marlene pushed her out of the door and onto ht streets. They heard a lot of 'Happy Halloweens' and 'Trick or Treats' about and Alice gazed at the cute little costumes the younger children were wearing.

"Happy Halloween!" James threw open the door and roared with laughter.

"Trick or Treat?" Marlene asked, grinning.

Grudgingly, James handed them the bowl of sweets.

"Stupid Trick or Treaters!" He grumbled.

_Ding Dong._

James wrenched open the door again and was confronted with 6 children, aged 5.

He crouched down and took the bowl, letting them pick sweets with their little fingers and smiled. They were so sweet!

"I love your costumes!" He beamed at them and they smiled shyly.

"Happy Halloween!" He called as he closed the door.

The parents smiled gratefully at him and he nodded in acknowledgement.

"So cute!" He smiled broadly.

"What a softy!" Alice teased.

"Shut up!" James mumbled, embarrassed.

oOoOoOo

Lily groaned as she opened her eyes and her head throbbed painfully. The stinging didn't stop and tired of the sore on her head, Lily emptied the water on it to cool the burning and to clean out the small cut.

Her throat was dry and she wished for more water.

Water ran down her back and she squirmed in discomfort.

Regretting her rash actions, Lily almost wished to have the sore hurt again for some water.

**-Author's Note-**

**Please review!!!  
What did you think?**

**Tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

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	4. Memories

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or use any other unforgivable curse? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter ****4: Memories**

The dementors were having a gruesome effect on Lily. Everything from the light in her eyes to the shine on her boots had gone. And the memories continued to haunt her. She revisited every horrific memory in her dreams.

She begged for it to stop. But it didn't.

_Lily slowly opened the door to room 204__. On the bed at the end of the ward, next to the window lay her mother. She was wearing a hospital nightdress and raised a weak hand to greet her._

"_Don't strain yourself, mummy!" Lily said, rushing to her side._

"_It's nice to see you Lily!" Evon smiled._

"_You too!" Lily squeezed her hand and Evon winced._

"_Sorry!" Lily whispered._

"_It's alright dear!" Evon patted her fondly._

"_Daddy said you're very ill!" Lily said, tears brimming in her eyes._

"_I am…" Evon said sadly._

"_Will you get better?" Lily asked._

"_I'll try!" Evon said sincerely._

"_Promise?" Lily asked frantically._

_Evon remained silent._

"_I love you!" She said after a pause._

"_I love you too," Lily said, confused. What was going on?_

"_Please let your father in," Evon said with shaky breaths._

"_Okay!" Lily kissed her mother on the cheek and exited the room._

_Petunia had puffy eyes from when she had visited her and held an arm out to Lily who hugged her sister, wondering why everybody was so upset._

"_Doctor! Doctor! Somebody get a doctor! Quick!" _

_Loud, desperate cries rang through the room and Petunia tightened her grip around Lily._

_An hour later, a nurse gave and smiled lovingly at them with a pitying expression._

"_I'm sorry!" She said to Petunia who clutched Lily, tears spilling from her eyes._

"_Sorry what?" Lily asked._

_The nurse exchanged an anxious glance with Petunia._

"_I'm sorry love. Your mother has passed away," She said sympathetically._

"_Passed away?" Lily repeated._

"_She's dead!" The nurse explained softly._

"_You're lying!" Lily screamed._

"_No," This time Petunia spoke," She's not lying. Mummy has gone to heaven!" _

_Lily buried her head in her hands and Petunia picked her up and rocked her gently._

Lily groaned and rolled over, her eyes crying in despair. She rubbed her eyes to rid herself of the picture of her mother. Or her father crying, something that Lily had never seen before. Or Petunia choking back a flood of tears.

oOoOoOo

"McKinnon!" Moody shouted.

Marlene stepped over to his office.

"Hey Alastor!" She grinned.

"Hi Marlene," Moody greeted.

"What's up?" Moody asked.

"Nothing…" Marlene shrugged.

"Well then you'd better start concentrating on your work!" Moody eyed her reprovingly.

"Yes mother!" Marlene said sarcastically.

"Get to work!" Moody swatted her away like an annoying fly.

"I have got a headache, though…" She said.

"So there _is_ something wrong!" Moody sat down.

"Well, I suppose you can take the day off!" He said.

"Thanks, Al!" Marlene hugged him and skipped out.

"But I want that report in by Monday!" He yelled.

Marlene rolled her eyes and giggled to herself before leaving the building and making herself a strong coffee.

She sat down heavily and Remus entered the kitchen.

"I knew you needed time off!" He smirked.

"How did you get in?" Marlene asked, spilling most of the coffee over herself. She wiped it away irritably with her wand.

"I apparated!" Remus shrugged.

"I forgot you were a marauder!" Marlene scowled at him.

oOoOoOo

Lily squeezed her eyes shut and a single tear rolled down her cheek.

"Mummy…" Lily whispered and her voice was carried away in the wind.

Dozing into a dream again, she recounted another sad tale in her life bitterly.

"_Miss Evans!" Her teacher, Mr Clark called._

"_Yes?" Lily looked up, startled._

"_We need you to come with us…" She said quietly._

_Worried, Lily followed, wondering what could possibly have happened._

"_Take a seat," He said calmly._

"_What?" Lily asked, panicking._

"_Your sister has been in a traffic accident-" He began._

_Lily clapped her hand over her mouth._

"_Petunia?" She whispered, terrified._

"_Luckily she has not suffered fatal injuries but…" He said. Lily remained tense. The 'but' sounded horribly uninviting._

_Half-afraid she leaned in to hear more about Petunia's accident._

_He paused," She has been paralysed but they hope she will recover and… she has amnesia. They fear it will be permanent." _

_He looked her in the eye and Lily felt the world collapse around her. Petunia would not remember her. All the years they had played together and now that was gone. _

"_I want Petunia!" She croaked._

_She was led into a white room and memories of her mother came and settled in her brain. Petunia was in a wheelchair and she looked at Lily like a child looking for an answer._

"_Are you my sister? Lily?" Petunia asked, as if conversing with a stranger._

_Lily nodded, unable to speak._

_There was an awkward silence between them._

_Shakily Lily went over and refilled her vase for the flowers she had been sent._

"_Is Dad here?" She asked tentatively._

_Lily rushed out of the room and sank into her fathers arms and Petunia frowned sadly, not understanding._

"_Shh Lily, it's alright!" Her shaken father soothed._

"_It's not alright!" Lily screamed and ran down the hall._

Lily's lip trembled as she recalled the events that tore her sister from her and the damage that couldn't be repair. Not that she hadn't tried. Had she? Uncertain, Lily looked out to the sea and saw the first drops of rain fall on the rippling ocean. A storm was stirring.

oOoOoOo

Lily rocked herself and inside her head horrible memories turned to reality. She could almost picture her mother standing opposite her in her dismal cell. Almost.

"Mum?" Lily shrieked.

The figure in Lily's head melted away and Lily was left to face the dementors who stole every happy thought from her.

Not that she had many left. They were slowly drifting from her and Lily couldn't do anything to stop it.

"_Bye Dad!" Lily called._

"_B__ye Lily! I'll miss you," He said with a grin. He was excited to leave- this job meant much for their family._

"_Bye Petunia! I'll miss you too!" He said smiling broadly._

"_Bye!" Petunia said distantly._

"_You'll be fine! Hurry up! You're going to miss your flight!" Lily exclaimed._

"_Bye girls!" He kissed them both and hastily walked away to his temporary job in New Zealand._

_They went home to their neighbour, a kind woman in her early thirties who often looked after them when their father was away._

"_Off to bed now!" She grinned._

"_Come off it Molly, it's only 8:00!" Lily frowned._

"_Bed!" Molly ordered._

"_Molly!" Petunia groaned._

"_Tomorrow is a special day!" She reminded them._

_The next day they were going to their Aunt Yasmina's wedding which was going to be a big affair._

_In the morning Lily ran downstairs to gobble some cereal before getting changed into suitable clothes. She sat herself down and helped herself to a large amount of cornflakes. Petunia stumbled into the kitchen and Molly was already reading the newspaper._

"_Ooh!" She said._

"_What?" Petunia and Lily asked at once._

"_A flight to New Zealand crashed when they landed and nobody survived. Lucky it wasn't your dad, eh? Mind you, I feel sorry for the families!" Molly said._

_Lily grabbed the paper from her and scanned the headlines._

_She sank, choking to the floor._

"_That _was _… Dad's plane!" _

Lily slumped heavily as she had done when she had first heard the devastating news. There was a whistle as the wind blew through the bars.

"Daddy?" She cried hopefully.

No one answered her shouts and she punched the wall in despair. Pain shot through her hand and up her arm like lightning and she clutched it, howling in agony. There was already a bruise forming on her knuckles and she immediately regretted her anger.

oOoOoOo

She slept peacefully for the first time during her stay at Azkaban but even that wouldn't last. Her dreams were interrupted by a terrifying memory that had shaken Lily badly. The single reason she was here.

_A black owl zoom__ed into the room and dropped a Slytherin green envelope on her bed. With trembling fingers she opened it, knowing whom it was from. It didn't occur to her to go to Dumbledore instead. Only last week, she received a similar note asking for her service. She had replied to inform him that she had __no__ intention of joining his dark forces and also to tell him that she was a muggleborn Gryffindor. This letter was from Voldermort himself. It read;_

"_I am aware of your unfortunate background but I am willing to overlook that. You have powers much needed in my circle. I propose a deal. Reply if you wish your friends no harm." _

_Lily glanced at the sleeping figures of Alice and Marlene and thought of her other four new friends she had made recently, the marauders. The very same boys she had sworn to hate for ever. She did not consider the fact that Alice and Marlene would happily give up their safety for her innocence. _

Lily sniffed and a shrill ringing echoed in her skull. Feeling her headache coming on again, Lily clenched her jaw to try and forget the sharp pains in he head.

"Stop!" She muttered.

"STOP!!"

oOoOoOo

Alice and Marlene strode into work, gossiping about Frank's next-door neighbour's affair.

"It's so wrong! He's old!" Alice exclaimed.

"Yeah! And what's up with her? This isn't the first time, I hear!" Marlene agreed.

"Quiet!" Moody roared.

"Yes sir!" Alice said meekly and slid into her cabinet.

Marlene gave him a cheerful salute and slipped into her cabinet too.

Moody shook his head, settled everybody and handed out reports and files.

"Alastor!" Marlene called.

"It's Moody in the office!" He hissed.

She grinned.

"Mooooooody?" She asked.

"Yes?" He snapped, glaring.

"Nice to see you, mate! Frank and Alice are having the Order round for dinner. You in?"

"Hmm… yes, I suppose so," He answered gruffly.

"See you there then!" Marlene smiled.

They were odd friends. They had nothing in common apart from the fact that they were both Auror's and both in the Order. They had somehow just _been_ friends.

"Back to work!" He yelled.

With a humorous laugh Marlene started her tiresome work and found herself thinking what Azkaban was like.

Dark. Gloomy. These had only been some of the words that had described the fearful place. Marlene hadn't been to Azkaban before and never wished to but a nagging curiosity wanted her to know what it was like.

She retrieved a tattered photo of the evil jail and its screaming prisoners. She stuffed it out of her sight and continued to work though her concentration wavered.

At the end of the day she looked at her work and sighed. It was no use; she would have to do it at home. She looked at the clock on the wall and realised that she had to be at Frank and Alice's house for dinner.

Grabbing her bag, she rushed out to apparated away.

oOoOoOo

Lily shuddered and drew a shaky breath as the dementors neared with her food. She looked at the filthy plates and in her water, she saw flies swimming and drowning.

She picked one out that was still alive and it went straight to her food. It didn't seem to like that either and flew over the sea where on a good day you could almost glimpse the land.

Lily envied the way it could just fly in an out as it wanted and go wherever it wished. Angrily Lily made a grab for it but decided against it. After all, it wasn't his/ her fault. This was Lily. She wouldn't hurt a fly!

_But she would hurt her friends! _Her head told her, whispering meanly into her ear. Lily swatted the air beside her head and vaguely wondered what it would look like to an outsider. It didn't matter. She tugged at her hair and some strands came out as she pulled. She let go of them and they floated away in the wind and Lily looked at her thin frame and wondered if she had the effort to stand whether she would be light enough to fly as the wind caught her.

She found herself ravenous after noticing how thin she was and devoured the food, not bothering how disgusting it looked or tasted.

She licked the bowl clean and swallowed, looking around for more. There wasn't any.

She wished more than anything for a lovely dinner with roast potatoes and gravy. She imagined Yorkshire pudding and a great, juicy steak.

oOoOoOo

In the house of Frank and Alice there was a good deal of talking and then Alice brought out the dinner.

"Frank is such a good cook!" She beamed.

"I should hope he is! We're eating it!" Sirius laughed.

There was a cheer and they sat at the table for their gorgeous meal. There was a huge, lovely dinner with roast potatoes and gravy. There was Yorkshire pudding and a great, juicy steak.  
Everyone helped themselves and they were soon full up and satisfied. Standing up, Alice waited for quiet.

"We have something to tell you!" She nervously and excitedly clasped Frank's hand.

"Well go on then!" James called.

"We're engaged!" Frank said, happiness radiating from them.

There was a silence.

"Yesss!" James punched the air.

"Congrats guys!" Alice and Frank were addressed by delighted people all eager to congratulate them. There were cheers and shouts. Applause rang from all corners of the room and the couple in the middle were overwhelmed by the noise made by their guests.

"It's about time…" Remus said in an undertone to Frank," When did you propose?"

"A week ago," Frank replied.

"You kept it quiet for a week?" Remus yelped.

"A week?" Sirius was outraged," You could have told us sooner!"

Frank just laughed and placed an arm around Alice's shoulders and stood, smiling goofily at them.

Out of nowhere a camera flashed and suddenly everybody was taking pictures or getting out cameras.

"Smile!"

oOoOoOo

Lily bowed her head and wished she could retake her place in the world as a better person and knew that her wishing would get her nowhere. Nobody would or could listen to her and even then they would probably never believe her. Not even her friends. In fact, Lily thought, especially not her friends. They all thought she was a Death Eater. Then it finally struck Lily that she was actually horribly guilty and that she wasn't committing an evil for the greater good. She was as bad as the next Death Eater. It sickened her to see what she had become.

Tool late, she thought bitterly.

**-Author's Note-**

**Please review!!!  
What did you think? ****Tell me!!!**

**Sprry, if the wait was too long- it really depends on whether I have the inspiration to write or not. Cappiche? Sounds sad, right? It is. Anyway, have a great day!!!**

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	5. Inquiry

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or use any other unforgivable curse? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 5: An Inquiry**

Two men strode down Azkaban with a group of dementors at their heels. These two men were Rufus Scrimgour and Jacob Cuthbert who were both high ranking aurors. Their brisk steps echoed up and down the prison peering into cells and shaking their heads, muttering. They passed Lily's cell and she feigned sleep, knowing why they had come.

"This one too," Rufus called to his colleague.

"That's 6 so far!" Jacob exclaimed.

Did they think she was dead? Surely not!  
Lily lay still, hardly daring to breathe as they frowned through the bars at her. They moved on and she allowed herself to let out a long breath.

"We'll send somebody round tomorrow to pick them up…" Rufus decided.

"Good idea," Jacob agreed.

"Terrible, isn't it?" Jacob said with a backwards glance at the bodies in the jail.

"The fault is theirs entirely!" Rufus insisted. Jacob sighed and got into the boat and they set off. Lily remembered well what had happened and why the ministry officials were here.

_Lily awoke and she saw the man next to her, collapsed and thought nothing of it. It was normal. But in her bored state she continued to stare and saw blood in pools around him and a single stab wound through his heart. _

_He didn't breathe; he was dead._

_She grasped the bars and frowned in horrors at the disgusting sight before her eyes. She tried to pull her gaze away but she stared transfixed at him. _

_What had happened? _

_She looked to the other side of her where a woman sat, on her knees before a __dementor who reached a rotting hand out and handed her a sharp knife._

_The woman took a deep breath and plunged it into herself and gave a terrible shriek of pain as it cut through her body. Lily wanted to shout out and stop her but she gave a feeble cough and continued to stare with wide eyes._

_The convict wailed as she pulled it out and scarlet blood dripped from the end of the cruel blade. She sank it into her again and wrenched it out, now helplessly stabbing herself, though growing weak from the loss of blood. She screamed each time and fell on her side, the knife still in her but she had no strength to remove it.  
A dementor drew a shuddering breath and swooped down to give her the dementor's kiss. Lily shielded her eyes but couldn't help watching as she went completely limp. Gathering her last breath, she closed her eyes._

_Horrified, Lily heard many shrieks throughout the prison. This was not just the two near her but others had accepted this offer._

_Lily fainted._

oOoOoOo

They said they were going to be back and here they were and they were accompanied by Moody, Dumbledore and several Hit Wizards and Aurors. They stopped outside many cells but were only screamed at and the convicts tried to grab them through the bars in such a fury.

They paused outside Lily's cell and continued walking as if they had never seen her.

"But we need to do the questioning!" Jacob protested.

"Maybe later!" Moody growled, glaring.

An hour later they had no choice to ask Lily for information. She was the sanest person in Azkaban as the latest arrival. Moody gave her a shrewd, calculating look.

"She'll be brought before a council tomorrow to be questioned," He snapped.

Lily pretended to roll over in her sleep and through a half closed eye she saw them leave. Dumbledore turned and gave her an unreadable look before seating himself in one of the uncomfortable, rocky boats that would bring them back to the mainland. She couldn't fool the wise Headmaster.

Lily sighed and resigned herself to a horrible day and almost laughed out loud- a harsh, bitter laugh. Wasn't every day horrible?

oOoOoOo

Dumbledore sighed and Moody stopped abruptly.

"What is your opinion, Albus?" He questioned.

"On what?" Dumbledore asked delicately.

"The deaths and all that…" Moody waved a hand in the vague direction of Azkaban.

"Terrible…" Dumbledore said at last.

"Well, we'll find more on the subject tomorrow, I suppose…" Moody said, obviously disturbed.

"We will," Dumbledore said as the first drops of rain began to fall.

Moody apparated outside the borders of the Order of the Phoenix HQ and was closely followed by Dumbledore.

They stood expectantly outside the door and were immediately let it to a chorus of greetings from other members.

Dumbledore took a deep breath," You are invited to an inquiry at the ministry tomorrow, at least those of you that are Aurors or Hit Wizards but I think if you want to go… that may be arranged."

"I want to go!"

"Me too!"

"I want to know what's going on!"  
"Did you see the news?"

"Who is it, Albus?" Minerva asked above the others.

"Lily Evans."

oOoOoOo

Lily was half-dragged before the Wizengamot and she stood on trembling feet with a pathetic attempt to stay straight. All her energy went into standing and she could barely register what they were saying. Numbly she looked at the people; they all looked the same.

When she was first directly asked a question, she didn't answer. She had tuned out everything in her effort to stay standing. Her legs were weak and she shook badly.

"Miss Evans!" The man spoke sharply.

She looked up and her knees wobbled and she fell to the floor. This was disregarded and they continued to interrogate her fiercely.

"Do you know of the happenings in Azkaban that have resulted in the deaths of so many convicts?"

She gave a small nod.

"What?"

"…Yes," She found her voice which was croaky after her time without need of it.

"Have you had any part in this?"

"I'm not dead, am I?" She asked, surprising herself with her answer. So the Lily she really was hadn't died completely. But she still didn't have a chance.

"Yes, of course…" He sounded flustered.

"Has there been any sign of a… suicide pact?"

"Not that I know," Lily answered, her face unreadable.

"Could there be any reason for committing suicide?" He asked. Lily gave a dry chuckle and shook her head.

"Maybe the fact that they are stuck to rot in Azkaban!!" She said sarcastically with a derisive snort.

"So tell me, how exactly did they acquire the knives?"

Lily gulped this time and swallowed hard.

"Yes?" He asked impatiently.

"They traded their souls…" She said eventually and there was a collective shudder around the room.

"They traded their souls for knives?" He asked quickly.

"Yes," Lily confirmed.

"Why not wands or something…?" He asked wildly. Here was a guy who didn't like not knowing.

"Are… you… encouraging-?" Lily began. Her breathing was beginning to go raspy and it was painful to inhale.

"No!" He snapped before regaining his composure.

"So… why not?" He asked, having calmed down.

"They… refused. You wouldn't want… to live without a soul… would you?" Lily questioned, taking more ragged breaths. Before anybody could question her further she collapsed from exhaustion onto the cold marble floor.

oOoOoOo

Lily woke up and blinked groggily and the cold feel of the air let her know that she was again in Azkaban. She groaned and realised how much quieter Azkaban had become without so many convicts screaming.

It was hard to feel sorry for them, Lily almost felt bitter because they were free and she was left to rot in her dull cell.

But then something told her that they would never be free without their souls. There were no more horrific deaths, much to her relief. The memories of their mangled corpses had been added to her nightmares. Her life was a nightmare.

The ministry seemed to already have sorted the problem with the few dementors that had given in to their need to steal souls.

Their presence gave her shivers and a cold feeling slipped down her spine with an eerie tingle. Shrieks rang loud in her ears and long after they had faded she could still hear them. Lily looked out to the sea with sunken eyes and saw her parents standing above her offering her a way out and tentatively she stood up.

She shook the bars but they didn't give in to her weak grasp. She shook in a vain attempt to free herself as she had tried so often.

Then she sat down, her face crumpling when she realised that her parents weren't there and they never would be.

She saw the ugly mark etched into her skin and growled furiously. Digging her long claw-like nails into her skin she tried to scratch it off and sobbing she continued to sink her nails into her left forearm.

Blood flowed from her scratches, some of which were quite deep and she tried to remove the Dark Mark from her.

Screaming, in pain and sorrow she even bit her arm but even that had no effect apart from a red ring surrounding her tattooed skin.

"Get it off!" She screeched. Her face was twisted in fury and in hate; it was almost as if she couldn't feel what she had done to herself. Almost. Lily winced and a little bit of puke dribbled out of her trembling mouth as she saw the bloody mess on her arm. Luckily most of the scratched were quite shallow but in her rage she had clawed much of her skin away and raw flesh was left open in one or two places.

Repeatedly, she dragged her fingers down her arm. Scrabbling and scratching her arm over and over again, she started to lose her original passion to rid herself of the tattoo and bored yet slightly pained expression slipped onto her face.

That night, like many others, Lily Evans cried herself to sleep only this time, cradling her arm in the ragged blanket.

oOoOoOo

"That was confusing!"

"Not really…"

"It's quite simple…"

The Order was in chaos and everybody was talking loudly and Dumbledore was deep in thought.

"She couldn't even stand. That has to say something about the standards in Azkaban…" He murmured. But as soon as he spoke people stopped to listen. After all, he was the leader.

"Come off it Albus! She deserved it. So do all the others in the prison!" Sirius voiced everyone's thoughts.

"Ah, Sirius. Do you really think so? Does anybody deserve that?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

Ashamed, people shuffled under his gaze. A few managed to hold his stare, including Sirius, being the rash person he is.

But even after Dumbledore had swept out of the crowded in his eccentric robes, which were an electric blue that clashed with the auburn-grey of his hair as well as the yellow stars that pattered it his clothing didn't match his solemn mood, people were unable to agree with him.

Everybody evil enough to end up in Azkaban deserved this. But still nobody spoke it out loud and the rest of the evening was quiet. Most members had gone to their homes already but others had stayed for a game of cards or a match of Wizard's Chess. Alice just sat and stared at the drizzle on the other side of the window.

oOoOoOo

When you were at school you complained you were bored. Lily almost laughed at how mistaken she had been. That was nothing like boredom. True boredom was what she was enduring at that moment and every other. The pain seemed welcome in exchange for the lifeless path ahead of her.

When she was captured there was the smallest hope that one of them would question the idea of Lily willingly becoming their enemy.

_It was a foolish and selfish hope_, she thought, _I deserve this…_

After all, hadn't she betrayed her friends and all those in the Order? Hadn't she helped set Death Eater plans into motion? Hadn't she tried to kill Alice during that battle in the woods?

_Yes, _Lily resigned herself to staring aimlessly at the wall again. And even then, her hopes dwindled away slowly and after a week in the cell she was trapped in, suffering in the presence of the dementors, Lily had realised that there was no hope. None at all.

Where did that leave her?

Nowhere.

She swivelled to face the sea and the blistering heat from the sun blinded her and she turned her head, swirling with dark thoughts, away from the bright sun.

**-Author's Note-**

**Whatever, nobody reads these anyway, I'll just let you… review? **

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


	6. Storm

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 6: Another **

"Marlene, it's your shift tonight," Moody nodded. They weren't talking about the Order. This time, it was the Auror's they had been discussing.

It was Marlene's turn to spend a day observing Azkaban before someone took over from her when the night stole in.

"Joy," Marlene said in obvious distaste.

"You'll live," Moody shrugged.

"Thanks, Alastor. You really know how to brighten my day!" Marlene said sarcastically.

"Why the bad mood?" He asked.

"No reason. I guess I'm just… yeah; I'm in a bad mood. I'd better get some sleep, if I want to be awake for my shift," Marlene said, packing her bag.

"Right, of course…" Moody agreed.

As Marlene made her way to her small flat, she realised just how awful her day would be. She would be watching rotten convicts shriek about in their filthy cells and would probably be sick often.

"Damn," She muttered as she kicked open the door to her flat. When she peered inside, she saw none other than Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, grinning broadly at her. Marlene sighed and beckoned them to follow her to the kitchen.

"Why are you here?" She asked as they helped themselves to large amounts of food from her fridge.

"Iwabdoheyahadozyouavedobodobazkabad!" Sirius said, his mouth full of half-chewed pizza.

"What?" Marlene asked.

Before he could respond, Remus had already interpreted what Sirius had said.

"I want to say 'haha' because you have to go to Azkaban," He said helpfully.

"Thanks, guys. Now get out of my flat!" Marlene barked.

They shuffled meekly down the corridor and she sheperded them, wand in hand.

"Now for the real reason we're here…" They grinned.

"Frank says he can't do the shift for you because he has Order work to do. Can you cover for him?" Remus asked.

"Fine," Marlene grumbled.

oOoOoOo

Marlene stepped off the little boat and said her thanks to the boatman who merely grunted in return. She looked around at the lonely fortress with the cold atmosphere and looming depression.

Her face turned up in dusgust as she stepped through years of dirt on the grimy passage which would take her to where the cells were. They seemed to be at the worst possible spot, exactly where the wind blew.

She looked about herself anxiously, she didn't enjoy the company of death eaters and wasn't at all comfortable with the idea; locked up or not.

Suddenly an ear-splitting screech made her jump so badly that she stumbled and fell onto the hard ground.

She rolled over and debated with herself whether it was even worth the effort to get up again. Grumbling, she raised herself and decided to inspect all the fugitives and made a start. After this, she realised that she had no starting point other than that and settled down to watch them groan uselessly.

A scream. Marlene jumped and settled down again only to hear another shriek that caused her to jolt in surprise. She shivered and pulled her jacket tightly around her but the howling wind was colder than she had imagined.

Now she knew what Azkaban was like.

She continued to observe the raging prisoners. As she made her rounds again and again for lack of anything better to do, she deliberately missed Lily's cell. It would take much self-control to deal with _her. _

The skies dimmed and Marlene sighed in satisfaction. Very soon, a small dinghy would take her back to the shore and to civilisation. She sat and watched the sea wave wildly. Over the next hour, the waves crashed with more force and it rapidly became evident that a storm was approaching quickly. Marlene stumbled to find a shelter which unfortunately was next to a cell and took refuge from the rain. It pelted from the heavens as if buckets were being emptied on them by the second. Marlene zipped up her jacket to the top and pulled her hat firmly over her ears. The biting wind was relentless and gave no mercy to her fingers and toes which were aching from the cold.

She hurried through the hail to the small little pier and instead of seeing the boat on the high waves; she saw nothing but the spray of the sea landing in her eyes. Where was the boat? Why wasn't it coming?

She sat down and waited in the terrible weather. Soon, it became obvious that the storm would stop even the Ministry of Magic boat from arriving safely. The boat was not going to come. She was going to have to endure Azkaban until the morning.

She shuffled to cover but even there it was wet. As the sea slapped onto the rocks and the endless rain poured down on her, she closed her eyes. An hour passed. Marlene stuffed her fingers in her mouth for warmth and when that didn't work, she sat on them. No matter what she did to keep a little heat, eventually she was going to have to give up. It was useless.

The detainees had small blankets and thin clothing, it would be worse for them but Marlene reasoned, they deserved it. She, however was innocent.

Marlene thought about her bed. It was warm and cosy and secure. When she dropped her head onto the pillow she fell asleep with no danger of being woken up until the alarm clock rang. Here, she was cold and alone. She missed her bed already.

oOoOoOo

When Marlene woke up, the storm had passed and the sun blinded her. She sat up and blinked sleepily. Each time she moved, she winced because her body was stiff and sore from the cold stone in Azkaban. Wearily, she sat up and stretched. The sun glared and she wondered just how long she had been sleeping.

She sprang to her feet as a scream rose into the air. She turned and saw the gloomy scene behind her before turning back. She grinned. The little boat was rocking gently, waiting to take her back. She gave a little scream of her own and danced to the boat, eager to escape the island she had been trapped on. She slipped on the rocks and bruised her knee badly but she scrambled to her feet, desperate to reach the boat as soon as possible.

"Aye, y'alright lassie?" The boatman said.

"Yeah, fine," She said breathlessly.

"Oh, it's grim up 'ere," He said with a chuckle. Marlene stepped carefully around him and onto the boat. She shrieked, wobbling as the boat swayed on the waves. He caught her before she fell and she sat down, clutching the side of the boat as if her life depended on it.

"How long will this journey take?" Marlene asked politely.

"You'll be gone soon enough," He said with another creepy chuckle. She decided not to question his strange reply and stared hard. She was able to make out the faint outline of the land and breathed a sigh of relief.

"I 'ear you stayed 'ere _all_ nigh'. Are yer alright?" He asked. His head was turned so Marlene couldn't make out his expression.  
"Fine," She said absently, trying to think of her home where she would be able to have a hot shower and a long lie-in. She smiled gladly.

"All alone," Boatman muttered to himself.

"I'm fine," Marlene repeated louder, this time and in a slightly higher pitch.

"O' course yer are. Yer an Auror, I 'spect?" He asked.

"Yes," Marlene replied. He laughed gruffly.

"Is something funny?" She demanded.

"Nothin' at all, love. Nothin' for _you_ to worry about," He grinned. Marlene ducked her head down and decided not to speak again until she was safely on land.

Warily, she accepted his hand to help her off the boat as they reached the shore after what seemed like hours. He gave her a knowing nod and stepped back onto the small boat.

Marlene shook her head and began to walk at a brisk pace from the pier, ready to find somewhere safe to apparate. With a pop, and the familiar feeling on somebody wringing her stomach like a wet towel, Marlene appeared in her home.

In her head, she prepared everything she needed to do. She needed to shower, eat and finally sleep. She couldn't wait to climb into bed again and curl up for a good rest.

oOoOoOo

As she pulled the duvet covers over her and closed her eyes she heard the tiniest rustle. Auror training had taught her to be aware of them. Normally, she would have taken Alastor's advice and checked to see if her home really was safe. At that moment, she realised how tired she was and she thought of nothing else. Quickly, she eased into a deep sleep.

She had no idea how long she had been sleeping, all she knew was that she was now awake. The sun shone brightly, a sign for a good day and Marlene helped herself to a large portion of cereal. She decided to go to the park and just _be_ outside. She needed something to do and the beautiful weather provided her with several good ideas.

Almost exactly an hour later, she found herself laughing, throwing more bread to the ducks. The last time she had done this, she was about 9 years old. She was receiving some weird looks from the muggles surrounding her and completely at ease; she dipped her feet into the water.

She couldn't foretell what was to happen next.

**Sorry, that's all I have until I return from Germany in 2 weeks time. I realise I have been neglecting FanFiction but I really will try to do my best now.  
:D**


	7. Realisations

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 6: Realisation **

She tipped her head back to watch the clouds pass over the sky. A light breeze rippled the surface of the duck pond. The pale sunlight shone brighter than any light magic could summon. A loud pop broke the silence. The last person in the park shuffled out of sight. Marlene saw why.

The men and women approaching wore grim expressions and with their black cloaks and intimidating walk would have frightened many. Once the old woman was safely away, the Auror's sprang into action. Marlene had seen this all before, only from a different perspective. Usually, it would have been _her_ attacking.

Today it was different.

Her first irrational thought was that she had broken the law. But that wasn't right. It couldn't be right! _Was that thought so irrational?_ She wondered. As they advanced, wands drawn as they had been trained to do, she realised how alone she was. A close circle had formed around her, blocking all sides.

Afraid of a violent outcome she occasionally encountered, Marlene held her trembling hands above her head in the universal sign of 'I come in peace'.

"Do you come peacefully?" Moody called grimly. Moody? Alastor Moody? Could her friend, Mad-eye _really_ have turned on her?

"Yes!" She squeaked, still unsure of what was happening.

They marched her all the way down an alley and Marlene felt her breathing become shallow and uneven. People crowded her, jostling her. A spell hit her from behind, binding her with think ropes. Her wand was taken from her back pocket.

Helpless, she watched as a dustbin before them glowed a bright blue. A line was formed. Marlene was held by two of the stronger Aurors.

The portkey yanked the group away and Marlene's head was spinning, a feeling quite aside from the weird sensation that travelling with a portkey gave you. Her feet landed on solid ground again with a thud. Her knees buckled on the impact.

She was roughly wrenched to her feet and pushed forwards. Dizziness overwhelmed her. Tears stung her eyes, blinding her vision.

She stumbled as they pulled her along, tripping on the concrete beneath her. Marlene felt blood leak from her knee and bit her lip hard. The tears still came.

She heard the jangling of keys and the scrape against a lock. As she regained her sight, she saw the floor fly towards her as she was shoved. She landed and just before she lost all thought, slipping into unconsciousness, she saw… Azkaban.

oOoOoOo

Lily blearily opened her eyes and sat up. She winced as she felt the new bruises pain her back. The dementors hadn't come with food for… how long had it been? Time had no value to Lily. It wasn't like she had any hopes to escape. Counting days had seemed pointless and because her sleeping patterns were so irregular, also hard. To Lily, she measured the days by how hungry she was and right now, she was starving.

It was hours later when the sun had risen fully into the sky that the dementors came to bring food. Their rotting, filthy hands produced a small dog dish of fish. It was always fish. It was only to be suspected. After all, they were completely surrounded by the sea.

Prisoners weren't worth the effort to ship food across to the lonely little island. They weren't even worth the little effort it would take if magic was involved. The stinking fish was already going bad. It was undercooked and the presence of the dementors had a heavy effect on the food.

The water dish was placed with a clatter on the floor next to her fish. Water spilled from all sides and little remained. Lily drank it all in one big gulp.

She swallowed and grabbed the fish next, stuffing it roughly into her mouth, disregarding the bad taste in her hunger. She was ravenous, tearing at the meat with her teeth; she looked like a wild animal.

The dementors woke her neighbour yet Lily didn't care. She didn't flinch as she cried in pain. She continued to eat, her eyes crazed.

The fish really was horribly undercooked, there were mild traces of salt there. It was enough to make Lily regret not eating _then_ drinking. Too late. Lily scratched her fingers along her tongue as if it would help get rid of the salty taste. She shuddered and stopped.

A voice was wailing next to her. A loud screech of indistinguishable words left her mouth. Even in her confused state, Lily knew exactly what the problem was. She wanted to get out.

Lily chuckled darkly. Who didn't?

Still, curiosity burned in Lily for the first time in months. She now wanted to know. Who was the person next to her? Did she know her? It couldn't hurt to look. Instead, Lily listened.

"I'm innocent!"

This really got Lily interested. She paused, deliberating. Yet, hadn't she at some point begged the dementors to believe her? There was no justice for dementors. Just the souls and the pitiless, pitiless cold.

Lily's yearning to know passed like a bird in the sky. It was only minutes later that she completely forgot.

oOoOoOo

Marlene groaned and sank to her knees, a scream rising in her throat. She shrieked until her throat felt raw. Exhausted, she collapsed. She heard a faint chuckle but it stood out from all the screams by far. Somebody was _laughing_ at her.

Marlene was confused. Angry. She clenched her fists and looked about for the person. She had thought everybody was too absorbed in their own business to mind her. Or else inside their own head. Evidently, somebody had cared enough to notice her. Marlene was not comforted.

They hadn't cared, they were _bored_.

She looked and found the chilling laughter. It was not amused but... cynical. Knowing. Marlene felt extremely belittled by this strange place and its stranger people. This woman next to her was wild. Her green eyes sparkled in a momentary madness though they dulled down otherwise. Her red hair was matted and tangled wildly and dirt had darkened its colour considerably. Her face was permanently twisted into a grimace.

She smiled, or at least bared her teeth. It wasn't a friendly smile. It was a sneer, a mocking gesture. Marlene stared right back. Realisation flickered in the other girls' eyes and she blinked.

"Marlene?" She asked, her voice like sandpaper. Rough and gravelly. She laughed hysterically as if she was seeing delusions. She blinked again and stared, shocked.

Her delusion wasn't a delusion, it seemed.

"Do I know you?" Marlene asked, afraid of knowing a convict. Knowing this ragged, wild woman. The ripped and tattered clothing clearly revealed the ugly mark on her forearm. Marlene was afraid of knowing this Death Eater.

Something clicked in her brain and she gasped. Spluttering, she straightened herself. It was a minute before she regained the ability to speak.

Her choking ceased.

"_Lily?_"

oOoOoOo

"Voldemort has placed a spy I our circle and also made a Death Eater of what was once one of us. The most unexpected people have been exposed this lat half a year or even a little less. What I want to know is _who _else is a spy!" Dumbledore said. His mild tone didn't hide the irrepressible anger in his eyes. This anger was due to helplessness.

How could the Order keep order, save lives and organise properly if nobody was sure who was who? It was impossible task when nobody could trust the other. The doubt had been clouding their minds since Marlene had disappeared to Azkaban. Was anybody else a spy? Was anybody following the orders of Voldemort?

James looked uneasily from Sirius to Remus and then to Peter. His closest friends surrounded him but now he wondered, was anybody close to him a spy? Others were glancing about themselves, too. There was a tense silence following Dumbledore's short speech. The idea that there could be a spy was unsure.

Dumbledore spoke again, grave.

"The last raids haven't been going well. We are always a minute too late. Outnumbered, sometimes. More of our plans are foiled than theirs. I wonder now, could this be a coincidence?"  
"No way!" Sirius shouted angrily. Mutters started. Any talk of a possible spy was now firmly talk of _the_ spy. Somebody among them was a traitor.

Wildly, James looked from face to face, wondering who it was. He got on reasonably well with them all. Good friends with many, too. It would be painful to have any of them reveal themselves as the spy. Yet it was more painful to endure the time of not knowing who to turn to. It was a nightmare.

oOoOoOo

Since Dumbledore had voiced their fears of a traitor, all had gone into chaos.

Nothing was how it used to be; often James found himself wondering. Where were all the friendships he had made? Where was the trust? _Where was the spy?_

The last thought was the most common among them all. Suspicious looks turned to evil glares in some nasty cases. It was terrible. This was the one thing that they couldn't sit out, endure and then get over it. The spy could rest until they finished, fitting their roles perfectly. In the mayhem, everything and everyone was suspicious. People grew paranoid. Scared. They were all alone, thinking like he was. Wondering, perhaps how everything had gone from bad to worse so quickly.

Only one didn't have to puzzle who it was. The spy would know exactly what was happening. This helpless situation was as bad as having their plans repeatedly ruined. Everything was pointless. The spy was completely clued in; the others remained confused.

Life is shit.

**Hope you liked it!! **

**:D **

**I'll do my best to update. I'll be better now, I **_**think**_**. Don't take my word for it. And sorry for the long wait!!**

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	8. Friends?

**Summary: ****When the Order captures some Death Eaters, there is one among them that was thought dead. She is different from all others. What kind of Death Eater doesn't kill? Or has a Gryffindor conscience? LEJP. Rewritten.**

**Disclaimer: ****What you recognise isn't mine.**

**Behind her Mark**

**Chapter 7: ****Friends…?**

James fidgeted, looking to his fireplace guiltily. He knew he wanted to call his friends but somehow he couldn't bring himself to do it. If one of them was the spy, he wouldn't be able to take it. First Lily, then Marlene. Who next?

He twisted his hands violently, his fingers itching to throw some floo powder into the fire or to scribble a short note. He sat there at his kitchen table for hours, his hands clasped around his coffee which had gone cold despite the spell he had used. He was ashamed of himself. How could he have so little faith in his friends?

Paranoid thoughts ran round his head all night. He had begun to imagine the worst. When his thoughts lead to a huge conspiracy theory with Dumbledore, Voldemort, Sirius, Frank and Marlene among many others in the Order, he snapped himself right out of it.

He knew this was a lie.

His friends were… his _friends_. They wouldn't betray the Order, betray him like that. Would they?

Minutes more passed and he felt himself getting more frustrated. He couldn't understand why he didn't just contact his friends. He knew they were innocent. So why was he hesitating?

It couldn't be them. They would die before betraying him. The mere thought of them dying put things right into perspective. Should they die immediately, which seemed highly unlikely, he would feel terrible. The selfish part of him wouldn't be able to live with the guilt.

He rushed to the fireplace in a hurry, knocking the chair sideways and spilling the coffee onto the floor. The china smashed but James didn't pause to repair it.

Just as he thrust the green floo powder into the flames, ready to call Sirius' name, a figure appeared in the fire sending them hurtling to the floor. They toppled over; limbs tangled and joints bending the wrong way. With a smack they landed on the tiles.

"My jaw," James groaned. Then he looked up. Who-?

James leapt back with a yelp.

oOoOo

"It's good to see you, Marlene," Lily rasped. Marlene shrank back, afraid.

"I… I-I don't kno- know… know you," She stuttered, visibly shaking. Her eyes were wide in her fear and for once she was glad of the strong bars that isolated the prisoner from everything else, including the other prisoners.

"You said my name," Lily smiled.

"You said my _name_," She repeated. The crease in her forehead was still there.

"Lily? Lily Evans?" Marlene asked pitifully. Lily nodded absently, chewing on the nail on her thumb. She was biting- gnawing- viciously, tearing. All the other nails on her fingers were stubby and torn. Blood was caked on her fingers where she had shredded some of her skin by mistake.

"I don't like you. I'm not your friend," Marlene said, trying not to appear as meek as she felt.

"Mhm," Lily said. She stretched and rolled onto her side, asleep within seconds. A scream rose into the air and died down. Lily didn't flinch.

Never before had Marlene felt so alone, so scared.

She had also never believed to end up rotting in a cell with her ex-best friend, turned Death Eater and become so friendless. She watched Lily sleep, her mouth parted in ignorance. Years seemed to fall from her age and she looked so young and… innocent?

Yes, she looked perfectly guiltless and as if all worries of the world had just been lifted from her weary shoulders. She trembled and screamed. The dementors must have affected her dreams too. Her eyes opened in horror but she was still asleep. As she collapsed back into her previous state, shivering but silent, Marlene felt the odd urge to _comfort_ her.

Idiot, she rebuked herself.

She shivered as the biting cold whipped at her in the wind. The thin blanket was not enough. It had obviously once been a thick, woolly blanket with real warmth but that must have been years ago. Now the magic had been lost and it had thinned considerably, making it a torn sheet. Marlene stuffed her fingers, aching from the cold in her mouth in a hope to warm them.

"Would you like my blanket?" Lily offered. Marlene stared, stunned. Her mind was still in shock even when she realised that she had to be practical; her principles didn't matter in Azkaban. She looked from the blanket to Lily.

"You'll get cold," She objected.

"No, I won't," Lily said and stretched her limbs, exposing them to the icy temperature to prove her point. A small twitch contradicted her statement but she fought to keep still. Marlene nodded reluctantly. As she took it, she suddenly became deathly afraid that she would wake up and find that Lily had died from cold. She sniffed. Tears warmed her cheeks when she handed it back through the bars, anxious that she would not be responsible for a death. Lily accepted this without question.

"Is it always this cold?" Marlene asked thickly.

"Sometimes," Lily answered evasively.

"Helpful," Marlene muttered to herself.

Marlene could have hit herself. She had just had a civil conversation with a Death Eater, friendly as anything. Where was the rage she had felt when she first found out? The overwhelming pity for herself and Alice… and James had slipped from her mind. When Marlene woke up again, she would tell Lily what she thought of her. It was final.

She drifted into an uneasy sleep, the shadows on the wall, dancing in the setting sun.

oOoOo

"What-?" James garbled sleepily. He blinked his eyes open and was confronted with the blinding white of the walls and a familiar smell of potions and foul ointments. He groaned.

St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

"Shit," James cursed.

He had been here often enough for Death Eater attacks or because of his horrible clumsy tendencies. When the two were mixed, it was rather unpleasant. Like that time where the Death Eater he had been chasing apparated into a tree. James grabbed onto his cloak and travelled with him. The Death Eater was able to escape when James tripped over his cloak, fell out of the tree and landed on the spikes of the railings. He almost died of blood loss.

He hadn't been able to kiss Lily for _three days_ because his jaw hurt so badly.

There were footsteps. Hurried and urgent ones, and they belonged to Sirius.

"Will he be okay?" Sirius asked breathlessly. James cracked an eye open.

"He'll be fine!" The nurse snapped impatiently.

"Sorry I asked," Sirius muttered.

"You've asked too often already. He only hit his head!!" She shook her head in exasperation.

"In fact," She added," You can wake him up now!"  
Sirius jumped around a bed and skidded over to James who feigned sleep. Sirius shook him. James opened a bleary eye, yawning hugely to emphasise how tired he had been.

"What did I do to get in here?" James asked dully.

"Nothing much," Sirius said, offhand and casual.

"Seriously, what did I do? I don't even care how embarrassing it is," James insisted.

"I'll tell you later," Sirius hurried.

"You'd better," James said darkly.

"So, where are Remus and Peter?" James asked.

Sirius shifted in his chair, a frown fixed firmly on his face. He exhaled slowly. James watched carefully but Sirius didn't seem to be paying attention to him. James prodded him.

"Well," Sirius began with a nervous laugh.

"I didn't tell them," He admitted.

"Say what? Why?" James demanded.

"I… I don't know who the spy is, James… I'm completely lost…" Sirius said, defeated.

"I don't think they are spies, Sirius!" James said hotly.

"So you thought I was the spy?" Sirius asked in a fit of anger.

"No! I just… didn't call," James protested weakly.

"Neither did I," Sirius said," I stayed in all month wondering who to call first. It was you, as it happens. And it's obvious that you trusted_ them_ but not me!!"

"No, I didn't talk to any of them!" James insisted.

"Really?"

"Really," James confirmed," I just realised… I'm being stupid. I trust you and Remus and little Pete. We should stop being so paranoid with our friends."

"I've just been feeling so shit lately. I _hate_ not knowing what to do!" Sirius said finally.

"Owl them now!" James ordered.

"Yeah!" Sirius stretched and waltzed away.

It was then that James remembered the accident that caused him to be trapped in the bed. His fist clenched around the bed covers, cracking his knuckles. If only Sirius would come back, James thought. He would get what he deserved…

oOoOoOo

Marlene opened her eyes and was greeted by a blinding sunlight. Her cell faced east so it must have been morning. She stretched and sighed. From her short experience in Azkaban so far, she concluded it was a warm day. The sun, though weak still warmed slightly. It was a good start.

There was an unladylike snort from beside her and Marlene remembered with a sinking heart that she had yet to confront Lily and receive those answers she needed. It was unlikely that she would get them, she thought. But, she resolved, she had to try.

She cast a glance to Lily sleeping on the concrete and frowned in pity. Where was her blanket? She must have been freezing through the night. Marlene realised as she grabbed the ragged fabric to drape over Lily that she had _two_ blankets. One of which was hers and the other belonged to Lily.

A rush of gratitude caused the tears to swim in her eyes once again. Biting her lip, she threw both blankets through the bars to Lily and decided, for now, to leave her be.

Lily gave a hysterical shout and woke herself up. She straightened up abruptly and promptly burst into loud sobs. Marlene reached her arm to pat her awkwardly through the metal but couldn't stretch far enough. She withdrew her hand.

Marlene had thought Lily had completely lost it, that she had been reduced to a babbling, shrieking wreck. She was a madwoman. So it was no wonder that Marlene was surprised when Lily acknowledged the gesture and crawled to the bars.

Frozen, Marlene watched the turn of events. Lily grabbed her arm roughly and threw it over her shoulder. Marlene looked upon the face of her previous friend to find she had once again fallen asleep. Marlene cradled her and though her arms ached, she couldn't let Lily go. She might wake her.

oOoOoOo

"Moony! Moony!! Remus!" Peter called shrilly, Sirius at his side.

"Wormy!" Remus gasped, relieved. His face was worn and tired, drawn and pale. The circles under his eyes were more pronounced than ever. Sirius felt a rush of guilt.

"So sorry, Moony. Should have been there," Sirius said regretfully, shame in his dark eyes.

"No problem," Moony beamed. He was more than pleased to have his friends back. His old fear of staying a friendless, hideous monster had returned shortly after the marauders stopped calling. The insecure feeling of knowing that there was no place for him among other _normal_ wizards had made his transformations unbearable. More so than usual.

He grinned and enveloped his friends in a gigantic hug, crushing them almost literally. He wondered about the absence of James and a sudden fear overtook him. Was _James_ the spy? Is that why they were with him and without James? Remus asked anxiously of his whereabouts.

"He should be getting out of St. Mungo's any minute. Who says we surprise him at his house?" Peter asked, checking his pocket watch. St. Mungo's? What had happened?

"Sounds like a plan!" Sirius said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation, a devious smile on his cheeky face. Remus got the feeling Sirius was trying especially hard to be as they were before. Sirius was often in denial. He would probably just pretend to forget it ever happened.

"The idiot hit his head pretty hard," Sirius said, conveniently forgetting it was entirely _his_ fault that James had hurt himself.

"No surprise there," Remus chuckled.

"Let's go," Peter grinned.

oOoOoOo

Lily woke up to find herself in Marlene's arms. She started, surprised. She couldn't remember moving there before she fell asleep. When did Marlene arrive? Lily wondered.

"When did _you_ arrive?" Lily asked groggily.

"I've been here for awhile," Marlene replied.

"Really?" Lily asked, frowning wonderingly.

"Did McGonagall finally realise it was you who turned her hair green in 6th Year?" She asked laughingly.

Marlene frowned.

How come Lily forgot things so recent yet the fuzzy memories from before were so clear? This particular memory was nothing special, though it brought a faint smile to Marlene's lips. She must be thinking completely irrationally, Marlene thought.

Fear overwhelmed her. She hoped that she would not be reduced to the madwoman that Lily now was. Tears leaked from her eyes and she wondered how many moments of sanity she had left until the dementors stole that, too.

"Why are you crying?" Lily asked plaintively.

"I'm in Azkaban, aren't I?" Marlene scowled.

"Oh yes, me too," Lily said, as if it needed explaining.

"It's _horrible_," She added gloomily as an afterthought.

"Never," Marlene said sarcastically.

"No really, it is," Lily said, earnest.

"I know," Marlene snapped.

"It's so nice to have a friend who _understands_," Lily sighed. Marlene stopped, utterly confused but Lily was watching the sun set over the horizon. Fascinated, Marlene watched too, in silence.

The aching cold crept back into her heart and her sudden terror was confirmed, dementors had come to ruin the beautiful evening.

The painful feeling in her stomach only grew. Fed from hunger and despair, it was as if somebody had stabbed her in the gut and was twisting the knife cruelly before withdrawing it. She gasped, lurching forwards, remembering those horrible days in her muggle neighbourhood.

_It was a fairly normal, quiet day on her normal, quiet estate. She kept a tight grip on Lucy, her dog who struggled to escape the collar and lead to which Marlene clung onto like a lifeline. She was walking down her street when she was confronted by her greatest tormentor, Rose. _

_A sweet name for a poisonous girl. _

_Rose was a head taller than Marlene and stockily built, surrounded by her cronies. They snickered, pulling her hair, teasing her mercilessly. Mud was shoved in her mouth as she lay, squealing on the floor, desperately holding onto the lead._

"_I think the little doggie wants to go for walkies," Rose sneered._

_She unbuckled the collar and Lucy, mad for freedom streaked across the road and into the park. Marlene cried, struggling against the vice-like grip of those who held her, laughing at her feeble attempts to escape. She shouted, spitting dirt from her mouth that was slopped over her face._

"_Let her run after the dog, girls," Rose said in a sickeningly sugary voice. _

_Marlene stumbled as she was thrown forward. Unable to use magic and forced to listen to the jeers from behind her, Marlene ran after Lucy, hopelessly calling her name as onlookers gave her wild appearance a questionable glance. _

_Nobody came to help. _

Marlene clawed after the dementors, helplessly trapped in her memories. She knew she was never going to survive Azkaban. It was too terrible. She was a weak person and weak people like her can't hope to live through that. She _knew_ it was hopeless to hope in hope. She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

Life was so unfair.

oOoOoOo

With a cry of delight, James sprang at Remus and Peter, whooping and yelling like a five-year-old.

"So gad you're here, guys. We're together again!" He smiled.

"Mate, what are friends _for_?" Sirius demanded.

"Sorry, Moony. Must have been hard," James said, ashamed as Sirius had been.

"I was fine," Remus lied.

**So sorry I took so long to update! I would tell you all about how little time I have had and the awful Writers Block that slowed me down but firstly, you don't care and secondly, it's not true. I mean, I was a little stuck but mostly just lazy. **

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	9. Author's Note SORRY!

**Behind her Mark **

Right, here's the deal.

I'm going away for 5 weeks for my Summer holidays, so I won't update until then.

You might be thinking,"Oh well, no matter- she never updates anyway"

Sorry about that!! I'll work on chapters over the Summer so I can update

soon.

Thanks to reviewers- I really appreciate your help.

Sorry again, I knnow how annoying Author's Notes are.

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Also, for those going on Holiday, have fun!!


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